March 1, 2012

The Onion Chronicles

I have a love-hate relationship with onions. Ever since I was a child, I couldn't stand them - cooked, raw, or deep-fried; they were all bad. As I matured, I came to appreciate French onion soup and how onions had flavor to soups, stews and sauces, but I still will not eat them if they can be distinguished from other ingredients in a dish. If I see a hint of onion, I will go on a search and pick the onion pieces out one by one and leave them in a little heap on the side of my plate. This said, I resent risking my digits to chop onions, but I still do it... with a lot of complaining. My Facebook friends have heard the following rants before and now you can too.

Damn onion
January 26, 2012 Facebook entry

Me (chopping onions): We need an onion chopper.
Naked Daddy: Because you really need another kitchen gadget.
Me: I hate chopping onions and I have to do it all the time, like for every dinner. It hurts my eyes! And I cut my fingers! Because the onions are round.. and hard to cut.
Naked Daddy: Yeah, I'm sure people all over the world are dying from it too.
Me: Probably! From tetanus!! You'll wish we got the fucking onion chopper when I'm dead on the floor and the food tastes like shit because there's no onion in it!
Naked Daddy: (silence)


February 1, 2012 Facebook entry

Dear Costco,

Thank you for cutting the bagels in half. It's nice to know that someone understands the risk involved in cutting them (as well as how much it fucking hurts to slice fingers and how long it takes for the fucking gimp fingers to fucking heal when you wash your hands 94 times a day).

Naked Mommy

PS When are you gonna start carrying onion choppers?

February 2, 2012 Facebook entry

Well, my fingers survived making dinner but my eyes are still burning. Someone told me to chop onions under running water, but I don't get how that works if you want to preserve digits... I still want the onion chopper.

And then my friend recommended this:

I think we've got a wiiiiiner!

What is your most hated kitchen task?


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