December 31, 2011

Nuggets (Not The Chicken Variety) And Maid-Less Living

Nugget means different things to different people. Mention nuggets to Naked Girl and she thinks of chicken and eagerly points out the nearest Golden Arches. Pet owners think of dog poo and check their pockets for plastic bags. To an old boss of mine, nuggets were chunks of wisdom, valuable takeaways from workshops or conferences to be shared with coworkers who weren't able to attend. Although wisdom may not be the main ingredient in my nuggets, you get a value pack of ten with a side of sarcasm.

Naked Mommy's Nuggets 
  1. As long as there is a toddler in your house, there will be poo on a wall, somewhere in your home. Even when Naked Girl stopped having poo mishaps, her grubby friends put poo on the wall. I kid you not, it's happened three times this year and every time I blamed the stink on Naked Daddy thinking he'd left dirty diapers on the floor. 
  2. Baby is boss. It was a rude awakening, but Naked Baby is a merciful ruler.  
  3. Regression is a four letter word. Regression is not a short-term, temporary thing; it continues to rear its ugly head several months after a new baby is born.
  4. Your kid's not toilet trained until she wants to be and even then, she'll pee or shit herself at will to get attention. See Point 2 for explanation. For the record though, I am proud to say that Naked Girl was completely (day and night!) toilet trained by 25 months. We've only had a handful of on-purpos-idents since the summer.
  5. It doesn't matter how much you spend on your kids' birthday parties, but how much fun the kids have. 
  6. It is possible to get carpal tunnel from wiping high chairs, booster seats, tables and floors. There are two alternate remedies: i) maid service or ii) slovenly, maid-less living. We have opted for the inexpensive second option. I think it sounds sophisticated and chic, don't you? When guests come over, don't tidy up, simply excuse the mess away with a "Welcome to Maid-less Living! Keeping middle-class moms out of the insane asylum and poorhouse one chore-free day at a time."
  7. Sleep deprivation can only be cured with sleep but Valium, yoga, Baileys, and coffee (though not in that order) can help you achieve a sleeping state or close to it.
  8. At the end of each day, ask your kids what their favorite part of the day was. You will be amazed at the answers you get. (One of my best bxtches told me about this and I love it so much I stole it!) Yesterday, Naked Girl told me her favorite part of the day was making spaghetti with Daddy. I thought for sure she would have said going to the playground.
  9. In order to maintain a healthy and happy relationship, we need to choose our battles. Threaten to leave and stay in a hotel if your husband makes you dry your face on dirty ass towels, but turn a blind eye to jackets thrown on the floor.
  10. All those cliches about looking into your baby's eyes for the first time are entirely true. There is nothing more amazing and scary than realizing you are deeply, madly and unconditionally in love with a tiny human you've just met. Although Naked Girl didn't feel the same way when we brought Naked Baby home this February, of late she plays very well with her sister. Seeing my girls play and laugh fills my heart with joy.
On that note, have a Joyful New Year, Nudists! What nuggets will you take from 2011?


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