November 6, 2011

Gratitude List Part 2

I'm thankful that:

  1. My clothes aren't fitting right because it means I'm losing weight. I am only five pounds away from pre-babies weight!
  2. I have a little pooch for baby to rest on when I can't find the nursing pillow. The damn pillow always manages to run away when I'm not looking. I swear it has little legs that retract like a turtle's.
  3. My hands are so dry, cracked and bleeding from washing them so much - I do not have OCD, I do not have OCD, I do not have OCD. - that I do not have to wash the toilets, potties or kids' bums.
  4. Em will only be getting 18 more teeth. If the first two teeth were any indication, the total number of hours of sleep lost to teething will be: [(7 hours x 1 night) + (6 hours x 1 night) + (3 hours x 1 night)] x 20 = 320 hours or 13 and a third days. That's not even two weeks of my life. Doing the math makes me feel so much better!
  5. I can no longer drink coffee (the smallest amount of caffeine will keep Em up all day) because being uncaffeinated is a plausible excuse for my forgetfulness and flakiness.
  6. M has ringworm as opposed to pinworms. The latter makes me shudder. I don't think any amount of Lysol or bleach would ever make me feel clean again if my kids had pinworms <throwing up in my mouth>. The infected kid would have to be quarantined and taken care of by a home nurse and then we would have to sell the house. Would we have to include a pinworm disclosure in the paperwork? 
  7. I am not participating in NaBloPoMo (a blog writing event that requires you to post an entry every single day for the month of November). I already post almost daily, but will not waste my time or yours writing crappy, obligatory posts about things no one cares about.
  8. Valium is available only by prescription otherwise I'd be hooked on it. Housewives in the 1950s made it sound like a wonder drug!
  9. I've lost enough hair to make a hundred and one Pussy Cozies. The revenue will be going towards toques. If you'd like to help keep Naked Mommy's balding head from freezing in the Canadian sub-zero winter temperatures, please purchase a Pussy Cozy today. You keep me warm and I'll keep you warm.
  10. The extra hour of sleep last night. Sleep is a hot commodity when you're a parent; it is better than any drink or drug but comes at a cost fixed by tiny, fickle humans. You can never get enough so even one "free" hour is a gift. If you squandered your gift, you are suffering from severe sleep deprivation. As one of my best bxtches says, overtired equals crazy.

For what do you give thanks today?

If you enjoyed this list, click here to read Part 1.


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