06 October 2011

I Nominate Myself For The Worst Mommy Blogger Ever

Featured on BlogHer.com

  1. My posts contain adult themes (my husband is secretly trying to kill me) and bad language.
  2. Even my baby talks about sex, bribery and extortion so not only am I the Worst Mommy Blogger, I'm the Worst Mom. Aim high!
  3. I'm not gonna give you the homemade playdough recipe even though I have it. It's nothing personal, it's just that there are already 1,824,493 pages with the recipe online so if you ask me, parents need another playdough recipe like they need another poopy diaper to change.
  4. I'm more of a Domestic Goddess than I let on, but unless I'm really desperate for something to write about, I won't be sharing what we had for breakfast/lunch/dinner tonight. Reasons why: a) There are cooking shows that do a way better job of explaining how to make stuff and b) This is not a cooking blog. The exception to date is ButterMILF Waffles because the name was brilliant.
  5. Although this is a diary of sorts - and the blog's name would certainly suggest so - I'm not going to regale you with tales of all the mundane things we do in a day (e.g. I love fall. We raked leaves today. They were so pretty. The kids had fun playing in them. Here are some pictures of my darlings playing in the leaves.)
  6. I don't give good advice, unless you count my instructions on what to do if you put a poopy diaper in the washing machine.
  7. I love my kids but I don't love their shit. That's what it is, it isn't an extension of my babies, it's their excrement so no, I don't have to love it. Expect to hear volumes of complaints about dealing with crap. Honestly, I don't get those moms who assert they love everything about taking care of their kids and exclaim,"It's different when it's your own [child]!" as if their kid's shit don't stink. 
  8. My blog is not inspiring or uplifting and my gratitude list is a joke.
  9. Instead of helpful reviews of kids' movies and books, I tell you what movies will scare the bejeezus out of your kids and what children's books are dirty.
  10. The photos I post are not always politically correct (but what would you expect from someone who calls herself Naked Mommy)? Example: Tranny Mr. Potato Head
If you know of a worse Mommy Blogger, please let me know. I'd like to relinquish the title a.s.a.p. as I'm feeling the strain from fulfilling my role as Worst Mom.

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