October 2, 2011

Quickie: Who's the Boss?

Scene: K has just taken M out of the bath. I am bathing Em in the ensuite. M is freaking out about her eczema cream.


M: Special cream! Get it, Daddy! Right now! Where is my special cream?! Get my special cream, Daddy!
K: <looks for the cream, ignores M>
NM (me): <pulls Em out of the tub, starts looking for Valium, blood starts to boil>
M: Daddy! What doing, Daddy? I want my special cream! Right now! Where is it?! Get my special cream, Daddy!
K: <keeps looking for the cream, ignores M>NM: <gets more and more pissed off, start to invoke inner nasties, waits to see what K will do>
M: <increases volume to the nth degree>  Daddy! I want it!!! Get my cream, Daddy!! I want my special cream!
K: <keeps looking for the cream, ignores M>
M: Daddy! Special cream!!! I want my special cream! Get it right now!
.
.
.
Repeat the last two lines about 50 times or until M has gone hoarse...
.
.
.
NM: <storms into bedroom, scowling>
M: <sees me, drops volume considerably, looks at me entreatingly> Special cream, Mommy? Can you get it, Mommy? I need my special cream.
NM: <restrained tone> Stop telling us what to do and stop yelling. I know you think you're the boss, but you're not.
M: <contritely> Sorry, Mommy. You're boss, Mommy. Mommy's the boss, I know.

And that's why I'm Boss #1.

Who wears the pants in your house?

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