October 22, 2011

No, I Don't Blow Bunnies

As if M doesn't hold enough titles (Master of Manipulation, Dinkerbell, Boss), she has earned one more: Master of Extrapolation. She is her Dad's daughter, a scientist, but a mad one. Given a certain scenario, she will apply it to as many variables as possible to better her position. The usual instance in which we see this complex behaviour is at nap or bedtime. My night-time observations follow.

One summer night when I was putting M to bed, I showed her what a butterfly kiss was. She loved the name, its tickle on her cheek and giggled, "Again? Again?" A few nights later, she surprised me by asking for a blue butterfly kiss, pink butterfly kiss, orange... and ran the gamut of colours in the rainbow from red to purple plus some. I didn't mind this extension of our bedtime routine because how long can it take to give 12 butterfly kisses? Plus, it was so stinking cute! How can you deny your little one kisses?

Bedtime began to take a bit longer when M asked for red polka-dotted butterfly kisses and - you guessed it - orange polka-dotted butterfly kisses, and so on followed by red striped butterfly kisses, orange striped butterfly kisses and so on, followed by red and gold striped butterfly kisses... Her vocabulary and creativity were amazing but exhausting! She's already up so late, 11ish, that we can't afford to have a super long bedtime routine (as it is, it starts around 9 pm, but that's another story).

After a week of psychedelic butterfly kisses, M decided they were getting old. She mixed things up by asking for ladybug kisses. She tried for bee kisses, then remembered that bees sting, so she settled for "just ladybug kisses, please." I didn't get off the hook that easily - she wanted ladybug kisses (same as butterfly kisses, just smaller if that's possible) not only on her cheek, but on her other cheek, hand, other hand, forehead, tummy, arm, and other arm. She even requested a ladybug kiss on her bum (but I turned her down)!

On Thursday, M's friend showed her how to catch a blown kiss. After Eskimo kisses and several cheerfully decorated ladybug kisses, M asked, "Can you blow a kiss for me?" As you can already tell, I have trouble saying no to my girls, so I blew her a kiss and she caught it. Then, she reciprocated. We rallied for a bit, then a lightbulb went on in her head and M asked, "Can you blow a bunny?" Trying not to fall out of bed laughing, I quickly set the record straight lest she tell her friends something seemingly disgusting, "No, honey, I cannot blow a bunny. Mommy doesn't blow bunnies."

M: What about a baby bunny?
NM: No, no baby bunnies. I blow bubbles with kittens inside them.
M: No bubbles, that's for outside! What about a kitty cat?
NM: Sorry, no kitty cats. <looks confused>
M: What about a tiger? Roar!
NM: Nope, no tigers.
M: Can you blow an elephant?
NM: (I almost lost my shit here) No, definitely no elephants.

M pondered this for a while, glared at me, and gave me three epic seconds of silence (she never shuts up!). By the wronged and disappointed look on her face, I could tell she thought I was making it all up. If we were "doing pretend", anything should be possible, so why wouldn't Mommy blow a bunny? Inevitably, the next words out of her mouth were, "Why NOT, Mommy?" To appease the beast and get her the f$%k to sleep, I said, "Tell you what, munchkin, I'll blow a big pink and purple polka-dotted elephant for you if you go to sleep." Now I have to remember to add kiss to the end so it doesn't sound raunchy. Mommy will blow an elephant kiss, not blow an elephant.

What's the silliest thing your toddler asked you to do?


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