October 20, 2011

Lessons Learned from a Wannabe Baby Name Stealing Bxtch

According to a girl who is no longer my friend, I made a few massive mistakes when I got pregnant with M. For starters, I shouldn't  have gotten pregnant before her. Second, I should have had a boy, not a girl. Third, since I couldn't change my baby's gender, I should have named her something else. Had she told me like that, we could have laughed about it and remained friends. Unfortunately, events unfolded differently due to hormones and crappy communication. I'll take the high road and leave it at that. There's been enough trouble between me and her about names without calling her all the bad ones I know.

It all started at lunch on a brisk winter's day. We were seated at table, waiting for our Chinese food - we didn't feel like muscling our way through the buffet line - and my then-friend, let's call her S, announced she had some news:

S: So, guess what?
NM: What?
S: I'm pregnant.
NM: Really? <squealed loudly enough so all the neighbouring tables look over>
S: You don't seem that surprised. No one is with the second one.
NM: Are you kidding? I totally was! That's awesome, S! When are you due?
S: In September.
NM: Oh wow, so you like got pregnant just a few months after me! Our kids are gonna be almost the same age. Fun!
S: You know, I wanted to tell you the last time I saw you...
NM: But it was too early, that's ok, I get it.
S: Well, I was so gutted when I heard you want to use the name, M (I told her a few months ago). Is that still your first choice?
NM: It's not our first choice, silly, it's her name. We know she's a girl and I already call her that! Did you know I picked the name in 2006 (before I even started dating K)?
S: It's just that I picked that name for my daughter. A long time ago, T (her husband) and I decided if we had a girl we'd name her M.
NM: So our kids will be the same age and have the same name. That's cool.
S: Not really.
NM: What's the problem? It's not like we have the same friends and it doesn't bother me. Anyways, if it makes you feel better, we're not spelling it the way everyone else does.
S: How are you spelling it?
NM: <spells M's name>
S: But it's still the same name!
NM: Yes, but it won't be exactly the same as your daughter. We're spelling it that way so we can also use Japanese characters with a nice meaning. Hey, do you know what you're having?
S: No, but I just have this feeling that it's a girl.
NM: Maybe you'll have another boy and not have to worry about this at all.
S: <gives me a dirty look> I'm just gutted you can't change her name. I picked it first.
NM: Are you kidding me? I don't see what the big deal is if our kids have the same name. And if only one person can have it, it should be me cos I was pregnant first (totally joking).
S: That's not funny.
<awkward silence>
NM: Oh look, it's our food. Wow, that took ages. I'm gonna have to eat and run because I have a 1:00 meeting.

I chalked it up to crazy preggo hormones and gave her some time to settle down. After about a week, I called her at work - no answer. A few days after that, there was still no reply to my voicemail. Rather than stalk her at work, I sent her a text asking if she wanted to get together again for lunch. No reply. I then resorted to Facebook, but noticed she'd placed me in the loser "Limited Profile" group. Very confused, but still eager to work things out, I sent her a simple message asking her how she was doing and telling her I hoped she was feeling better now that she was in the second trimester. No reply. After another round of email, text and Facebook message, I was tired of playing games. There was no point pretending to be friends with someone who wanted no contact with me, all over a baby name that she did not own, so I unfriended her on Facebook. Oh the ease and lightness of it. To unfriend someone is a big deal, but on Facebook, it's a breeze. I felt so relieved that S wouldn't be seeing M's birth announcement and photos. I didn't want her to make it all about her and grieve "her" baby's name. I only wanted to share the news with people who would see the joy in the occasion and celebrate it with me.

After the baby name bullying / attempted baby name stealing incident, I pared my friends list considerably. Although most of the "friends" probably wouldn't kick me to the curb over something so ridiculous, they also didn't seem to care much about me. I questioned the point in being Facebook friends with someone you never communicate with or see in person. If I hadn't exchanged a message, wall post or photo comment with someone in over a year, they were gone. It felt good. And you know what? None of the unfriended seemed to care so it would seem I made the right choice. Life is better when you're surrounded with positive, caring people. Ironic that I learned that from a wannabe baby name stealing bxtch.

Has anyone ever stolen your baby name or put dibs on it?


This sucks!! I lost a friend because my brother and his wife stole her baby's name. They had never met and never would. I soon realized how negative she really was and actually felt lucky to be "unfriended" by her.


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