Sep 8, 2011

Rocky Horror Diaper Show

We had an unfortunate diaper incident in the house this morning. Yeah, yeah, another poop explosion story, everybody’s baby poops, get over it. NO! Our house incurred a fatigue-induced shit-astic shit-aster!  It all started in the wee hours of the morning and got progressively worse. Em got up four times between 2 am and 9 am to feed. At 9 am, an hour earlier than usual, she started howling for me because her diaper was completely loaded – no surprise given how much she’d eaten. Although I had somehow gotten a whole four hours of sleep, my brain was extra fuzzy and I was not all rainbows and sunshine. I changed Em’s diaper, changed her clothes and change pad cover cos she peed on the change table in the process, dressed baby, changed her diaper and clothes a second time (she wasn’t done pooping apparently), then chucked the poopy clothes and change pad in the trash. That wasn’t the tragic part – wait for it - I tossed the dirty nappies in the washing machine. Unfortunately I didn’t even realize what I’d done ‘til after breakfast when I decided to put the garbage out so the house wouldn’t stink as it warms up (we’re experiencing a heat wave this week and I don’t have a Diaper Genie). So here I am walking out the front door thinking: “Déja vu, wasn’t garbage day yesterday? Hmm… the bag seems pretty full! I wouldn’t have… SHIT! Did I?? SHIT!!” I took a little peek and the horror of what I had done suddenly dawned on me. Oh horror of horrors! The washing machine was already going full-bore. I tore up the stairs in my stylish Crocs and saw that the wash cycle was almost done. Looking in the machine, it appeared that Snuffleupagus had vomited Rocky Road ice cream into it and emptied a trunk-full of snot in it. Gotta love baby-on-solids poo and disposable diaper guts.

What to do if you put a shit-laden disposable diaper (or two) in your washing machine:

  1. Turn the washer off.
  2. Don’t panic.
  3. Don’t run around the house – in the summer with the windows open no less – shrieking “Shit! Shit! Shit!” at the top of your lungs while banging your fist on the walls. The neighbours will think you’ve truly and finally gone completely nuts and your other kids will start copying you, totally cutting you off from much needed play dates.
  4. Don’t let your kids try to help. They will only end up covered in shit and then you will have not only a load of laundry, washing machine and floors to clean, but very dirty kids cos one will put diaper mess on the other.
  5. Put your kids somewhere safe where they won’t get into trouble for at least 45 minutes.
  6. Locate a bucket, mask, garbage bin and reliable pair of rubber gloves. Now is not the time for those old dishwashing gloves with a hole in the thumb.
  7. Put on the mask and gloves.
  8. Transfer the washer contents to the bucket. Remove the diaper(s) and large chunks of diaper gel and put them in the garbage where they rightfully belong.
  9. Try not to throw up because a) you don’t need more mess to clean up and b) the vomit will plug up your mask, suffocate and kill you. “Choked on own vomit” is a memorable but disgusting epitaph.
  10. Plug the tub and dump the bucket contents into the tub.
  11. See Step 9.
  12. Fill the tub enough to cover the clothes and *other* items. Keep the water running for the next step.
  13. See Step 9.
  14. Now we rinse! Swish the clothes around in the tub then rinse them under the faucet. Remove as much of the shit and diaper gel as you can. The gel is fluffy and sticky so it takes a lot of water to remove it.
  15. See Step 9.
  16. Wring out excess water and transfer the de-Snuffied clothes to laundry basket.
  17. Collect as much diaper gel as you can, put it in the bucket and empty the bucket into the toilet. Flush in small batches so you don’t clog the toilet. You will need three to four flushes per diaper.
  18. Clean and sanitize tub.
  19. Transfer clothes to washer. Run the following cycles: Pre-Rinse, Wash, Extra Rinse, Wash (not a typo, wash twice!).
I am so sorry that I forgot to take photos, but I was trying to obey Step 9 and get downstairs before the girls started World War 4, so photos for the blog were the furthest thing from my mind. I hope the Snuffy Rocky Road vomit and snot description was vivid enough and that you can still eat Rocky Road ice cream after reading this. What’s your version of the Rocky Horror Diaper Show?

4 comments:

Step 1. Throw out the washing machine.
Step 2. Order new one.

Ok, I realize that's not really going to work. Only had one diaper in the washer incident so far around here. Thankful it wasn't a poopy diaper because the one time my kid crapped in the bathtub warranted a full week of bleach sanitizing of said bathtub. And the sink. And the toys that were merely next to the bathtub at the time.

LOL! You might be even more of a germ-phobe than me! I WISH we could have bought new appliances but alas, it wasn't in the budget (we need a new roof, how fun is that?). Fingers crossed for no more Rocky Horror Poop Shows in your house or mine!

Holy cow is this funny. I hope you save this story for when Em brings home her first boyfriend. Golden!

Good idea! My husband won't need a shotgun to keep the boys away then. LOL!

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