September 28, 2011

The Fat Came Back

A few weeks ago, I proudly announced on Facebook that I'd lost three whole pounds, a paltry amount, but it was the first time the stubborn scale had moved in months! I even weighed myself a few days in a row before posting to make sure the weight difference wasn't just water or shit. Certain that this was the real deal and knowing that I hadn't done anything special other than drink more water and cut out late night snacks, I was pretty pleased with myself. I shouldn't have been so smug though. Within two weeks, the weight came back. Had I started binge eating? No. Had I changed anything else? No, well I did start exercising more, so WTF?! My kind friends told me the weight increase was probably muscle (muscle is heavier than fat - blah, blah, blah), but I think the only reasonable explanation is that my body is the ideal fat host while breast-feeding (it makes me uber hungry) and that the fat will come back until breast-feeding do we part. The recent regaining of those prick pounds inspired this song spoof:

The Fat Came Back (Sing to the tune of The Cat Came Back by Harry S. Miller)

Old Naked Mommy had troubles of her own
She had some extra pounds that wouldn't leave her bones!
She tried and tried to make them go away
But the fat came back in just a few days!

The fat came back, in just a few days
The fat came back, she thought it was a goner
But the fat came back, it just wouldn't stay away.

She deep-sixed the crap and hit the gym
Hoping to get super fit and slim
But her thighs grew wider and her butt got bigger
So she said screw exercise, then whatta ya figure?

The fat came back in just a few days
The fat came back, she thought it was a goner
But the fat came back, it just wouldn't stay away.

She called up a man at a famous fat farm
He said with a cleanse and limited carbs
The fat would go and never come back
But it didn't fuckin' work cos he was a quack.

The fat came back in just a few days
The fat came back, she thought it was a goner
But the fat came back, it just wouldn't stay away.

How long did it take you to lose the blasted baby weight?

2 comments:

Lose baby weight? My body didn't get that memo. A year in and I'm still carrying more than I should be... so much for breastfeeding burning extra calories!

Damn those post-its for not sticking when we need 'em to! ; )

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