September 20, 2011

Dinkerbell and the Honky

Since M is a professional dawdler and dinks around when it's time for bed, I've started calling her Dinkerbell. First off, she will tell you she needs to eat something even though she had a snack right before her bath. I know this is a ploy because the few times I gave in and took her down for Snack #2, she just played with her food. Of course when K puts her to bed, she eats her second snack like there's no tomorrow so he thinks I'm cruel and starving the child! Once bath and snack(s) are done, it's time to floss and brush. I hate it so much that I've handed the whole teeth business over to K. She can cooperate when she wants to, like if we're rushing to a play date or Grandma's house, but before naps and bedtime, she writhes and kicks and you find out just how hard all her joints are. This afternoon her foot met my eye. I was so pissed off I gave her a time out. After teeth, she wants to pee again (Really? She just went half an hour ago, right before her bath!). This means another handwashing where she will promptly splash water all over herself and the bathroom requiring a change of clothes and several towels for the floor. You try not to slip on the floor and crack your head open, get out another fucking pair of PJs, wrestle her into them, drag her to her room with her sippy cup of water and then she says, "I have to poo poo." Fuck! Most of the time she really does go, but sometimes she doesn't. You have to respect the poo and take her once more to the toilet, let her sit there for 15 minutes while she asks you 47 times if you see that. See what? I don't fucking know, she always asks and I just say, "Yes, I see that." Do you know what comes next? Right! Another hand wash, new set of PJs and you still have goddamn stories to read. K is in charge of this because I usually have Em on the boob but I'm not off the hook for the night because after stories, M insists on a Good Night Song from Mommy. A song is what, like two minutes? But I'm usually stuck there for 10 minutes so our bedtime "routine" if you can call it that is almost two hours. Fuck! I bitch to K about it every night to please help me get the kids the fuck to sleep before 11 pm but it rarely happens. Clearly, I can't blame him entirely... we have a very clever Dinkerbell.


I can't complain too much about Good Night Song Time because it is a fun time for pretend, tickles and butterfly kisses. Tonight as I was tucking M in, she said was a car, so I went "Honk, honk!" on her nose. That elicited a "No, no, no!" so I tried her tummy, ear and forehead. I was about to go for her toes, when she pounded her little fist on the wall and said, "Mommy, the honky's right here!" I almost peed myself when she said that! A horn is now a honky, love it! She knows the word 'horn' from "The Wheels on the Bus" song, but honky is so much more fun (as long as people don't overhear and think we're being racist).

Have your kids been making up words lately? What's the cutest one you've heard?

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